For most of the time Radio has been in existence there has been a steady line of cocaine coming into the station either tucked inside the 45’s in the 1950’s and 60’s, or in the 80’s while you were waiting for Debbie Gibson to play your local mall there were buckets of the stuff just lying around.
Then Nancy Regan happened and started her war on drugs, weeks later she has a guest spot on Different Strokes and Radio People were in search of their new drug of choice. Because Coke was just too dirty and once Willis isn’t doing that drug and Crank isn’t available…you need to improvise. Sure there was a dance with Ecstasy but sex with your General Manager was just too weird. Then there was the “Month of Meth”; the problem was, unless you work in Country Radio…a Radio Person needs to have all of their teeth to identify with their audience. There was even a move in the Grunge period where Pot moved from recreational drug to king vice of the Radio Person. The problem with that was Radio People need NOTHING to improve their laziness.
In fact, the drug that Radio People need has to make them thinner, faster, smarter, and more productive all while being able to be taken in the middle of a promotions meeting. Think Alex P. Keyton on speed when he was trying to pass that test on “Family Ties” except, instead of a test, picture Radio People running around trying to schedule Jay-Z next to Miley Cyrus while booking their next meeting at Chili’s and attempted to bed down an Intern.
Which brings us to the newest drug of choice for the Radio Person, Adderall. Introduced in 1996 to eliminate the wearing of flannel, normally Adderall is prescribed as a drug alternative to “calming the fuck down” (read Attention Deficit Disorder) and in some extreme cases it is prescribed for Narcolepsy which the act of falling asleep at convenient times like driving a car, having sex, or high profile sniper missions for the Bush Administration.
But now Adderall is found at your neighborhood Sprint Remote, that Bar Gig that pulls about 56 people, the air shift that sounds really good in your head but sounds like the Micromachine’s guy doing talk-ups over HOT AC tunes on the air. Yup, Adderall is the new Radio Person drug. It is cheap, easy to get, and people think that you are just having a hard time concentrating and pity you when really you have been up for three days and beat GTA IV, cleaned your apartment, got to know three Interns in the biblical sense, created a windows based version of Selector, and wrapped the station vehicle by hand in less than 10 hours.
How does someone get Adderall? That part is easy. All you have to do is find some Radio Person at your station who borders on insane but has that entrepreneurial spirit to go through all the tests in order to get the prescription. (you can bypass this step if you have a doctor on the take in your market) Then they start selling the pills of instead of taking them. Within a month most of the staff is addicted to the “up all night” feeling combined with the vomiting, hallucinations, sweating, feeling of dying, symptoms of tourettes, and unexplained muscle pain (all real symptoms) and the jock selling the stuff is driving around in a brand new Prius and is suddenly Assistant Program Director. Oh, and when he gets downsized, look for him to flood the market to every Radio Person he can see since his non-compete has expired.
It really should be the campaign phrase of 2008: “A chicken in every pot, a car in every garage, and Adderall in everyone’s mouth…it is all about productivity.”
