If there is one thing that is certainly not in short supply in happy radio land, it is self-inflated ego that gives way to unusually bad career moves in hopes of getting a “gig” in that sweet larger, or top 50, market.
You see a Radio Person will see that a station in, let’s say, Chicago that is floundering and immediately they know that only they have the untapped potential to save the station from themselves. Knowing that change is slow in Radio, the Radio Person will either take a lower status job within that company in hopes of the “hire from within” theory would hold true or they lie in wait like a drunken crocodile waiting to pounce on a Hooter’s waitress in market #564.
Either way, it is a rarity that someone in radio who is actually qualified for the job in the Large Market will actually apply for it. Because all of those guys either got smart and got real jobs or are happy in their current radio homeostasis. Instead, the Radio Person who works in market #564 will be foaming at the mouth to throw his “hat” into the ring for the job. Think that his market isn’t, in fact, Siberia for Radio people but instead the AHL for Radio People looking to make it to the big dance.
Now this hat could be the now infamous Radio Person Derby, a Fedora, a backwards baseball cap, mascot owl head, or even a hockey mask, it doesn’t matter what it is, just how you throw it.
The Radio Person in market #564 is SURE that his unique brand of alliteration is what that station is missing. He will put together his package, complete with a CD with a microphone sticker on it (genius right, cause he is IN radio), and his programming philosophy and then head right to the barrage of phone calls.
The Radio Person will call Chicago (or LA, or NY, or even China), and call, and call but since he is undoubtedly so under qualified for this job that his skill set might be over-shadowed by the 1st place fry cook at Ed Debevic’s nobody will pick up. However, when his calls go unanswered his next step is to call his record rep friends to see if they have an “in” with this large market station.
You can see this calls happening multiple times a day all across this great land.
Radio Person: “Hey man, this is ____________ from market 564, we helped break Saving Jane for ya…”
Record Rep: “Um, Saving Jane isn’t even on our label…and who are you again?”
Radio Person: “__________________ you took me to Applebee’s once, I got the Bloomin Onion.:
Record Rep: “ Yeah, sure. So, what can I do for you?”
Radio Person: “ I was thinking of throwing my hat in the ring for the Chicago gig and wondered if you had an in?”
Record Rep: “You are kidding, right? You are in Market # 564 and add 8 songs a week to your playlist”
Radio Person: “No man, I only added 6 songs last week and besides I did this promotion last month where we tried to kill a konvict for a korvette and I think that sort of out of the box thinking is what Chicago is missing.”
Record Rep: “(Jesus) Yeah sure man I will make a call.”
Obviously the Record Rep will not make that call but it is easier than attempting to employ either logic or reason with a Radio Person. Cause that is a lot like trying to teach a homeless guy to brush his teeth with something other than whiskey. But it is the Radio Person who keeps reaching for the Stars that brought us both Ed McMahon’s Star Search and the high quality watered-down consolidate radio landscape we all enjoy today.
