21) Smoking

There are a ton of weird things that Radio People embrace as if it is a constitutional right and smoking is one of them.  Which is weird since it messes with their voices and their voices are what make them money.  Imagine if a prizefighter spent his off time seeing what happens if he stuck his hands in a meat grinder, sure he would lose out on millions of dollars, but he would have the satisfaction of knowing what happens when a human hand goes in a meat grinder.  Because the years of eating ground beef could not have taught him that.  I believe that would fall under the “school of hard knocks” curriculum but I am not sure.

 

The problem is that while the world has figured out that smoking messes with your voice, gives you cancer, and costs you thousands of dollars a year, then have begun to make it very hard for you to smoke when you show up for your airshift, which is a far cry from the days when you could smoke in the studio. 

Take this email and please disregard the utter lack of any sort of punctuation and or grammar:

 

Subject: Smoking

 

…So, we purchased a cigarette butt container so staff would have a place to put their butts. They failed to empty it and when it filled up it burned down, scaring the outside of the building.

 

We purchased a new and improve receptacle identical to the old one except it was made of metal. That one was used until it was filled up. Instead of emptying it, an open trash can was brought out to sit next to the overfilled receptacle. Now the trash can is filled and catches on fire.

 

If you wish to continue to have smoking privileges take some personal responsibility and clean up after yourself…or next time it catches fire, don’t use water to put it out….use an accelerant.

 

In most cities you need to be 15 feet away from a doorway in order to smoke outside these days.  This wiley group of smoke-a-holics have figured out a way to smoke so much they can light their own building ON FIRE to prove that Radio People LOVE smoking.

 

So even though smoking in radio used to be cool…Wolfman Jack is dead.  And itchy scratchy smoker voice is usually relegated to the arbitrary Simpsons character or over paid phone sex operators.  But if you are looking on your Radio Person’s webcam and they are not around, chances are it is time to cut their career short faster than consolidation can hunt them down and replace them with talking squirrels.  So, smoke on Radio Person, smoke on.